I stepped out into the brilliant sunshine, and walked down the street, occasionally stopping to look at myself through car windows, just to make sure my hair was perfect (I mean, it would be absolutely horrible if there was a hair out of place!).  After checking my hair one last time, I entered her house through the side door, instead of going through the Hardy Har Hut (seeing that it was closed, and if I had tried to go through that entrance, I would be locked out.)

I sprayed a mini mouthwash into my mouth before knocking on the door confidently.  I waited a few moments, and before knocking again, the door swung open, and there before me stood Tracy’s mother, Edna Turnblad.

“Why, Mrs. Turnblad, don’t you look decked out.”  I said as I flashed her my million-dollar grin.

“Excuse me?”  She asked, my grin faded from my face slowly.

“You look nice today.”  I said quickly as I saw Tracy come out from her room.  Boy, did she look great.

“Hey Link!”  She said as she walked past her mother and gave me a hug.  “I just have to get daddy and then we’ll go.”

We?

Tracy paused, I guess she saw the confused look on my face.  She brought her lips to my ear and whispered: “Ma and daddy are coming, too.  I tried to call last night, but you were busy.”

“Oh,”  I smiled.  I didn’t really mind much, Tracy’s parents were really nice.  “Alright, I think we’re going to have a great time.”

“I think so, too.”  Tracy grinned as her father, Wilbur, entered the living room.

“Are we all ready?”  He asked, and we all nodded.  “Well, let’s go then!”  And after he said that, we left the house.

We all went to an outside café, and we were seated right away at a somewhat decent table near a store entrance.  Soon after we sat down, a friendly waiter asked us what we wanted to drink, and we all ordered a glass of iced tea.  After the waiter gave us our drinks, he left, and I picked up my menu.  As I skimmed the contents of the menu, I heard Tracy gasped.  “Trace, what’s wrong?” I asked as she pointed to the tablecloth, where there was a big glob of chewed gum that had ants stuck in it.

“Why, there’s bubblegum on it!”  Mr. Turnblad exclaimed.

Now that we had noticed it, the bubblegum on the table was hard to ignore, and finally, after a few minutes of staring at it, Mr. Turnblad took his knife and started to scrape the gum off of the table.  “Oh daddy.”  Tracy hissed as she watched what her father was doing.  “Wilbur!  Stop that!”  Edna cried.

I, however, not wanting Mr. Turnblad to get angry with me, said nothing.  Finally, after a few minutes of struggle, Wilbur got a majority of the gum off, and sent it flying (along with his knife) into the street.  For a split second, we all stared at it, but then stopped.  But, in the corner of my eye, I could see the glimmer of the knife in the street.

For a while, we experienced an awkward silence, and my eyes darted to and from the knife in the street.  Finally, the waiter came, and asked us if we had decided on what we wanted.  We all ordered what we wanted, and once again, the waiter left.  I thought that we would have to face yet another awkward silence, but to my surprise, Mr. Turnblad spoke up.

“So Link,”  He started.

“Yes, Mr. Turnblad?”  I replied as politely as I could.

“You have dated another person before my Tracy, right?”  

“Yes, I have.”  I told him truthfully as Tracy took a swig of her iced tea.

“So, what I am trying to say is, have you ever had sexual intercourse with this other woman?”  He asked as Tracy’s iced tea projected out of her mouth.

“Daddy!”  She choked as my face began to feel hot.  I looked over at Mrs. Turnblad, who was wiping Tracy’s iced tea off of her face.  “Sorry ma.”  She muttered, turning pink.

“What?” Mr. Turnblad asked, shrugging.  “I was just asking Link here a question.”

And when he said this, I knew he was expecting an answer.  An intelligent answer.
“Well,”  I said calmly.  “My ex-girlfriend and I had kissed from time to time, but we never had sexual intercourse.”

With my shaking hand, I grabbed my iced tea, and took a sip out of it; hopefully, Mr. Turnblad didn’t think I was crazy.

“So,” I said before another awkward silence can make it’s way to us.  “What do you think of that whole nuclear war scare?”

The look in Mr. Turnblad’s eyes made me regret ever asking that question.  I looked over at Tracy, who gave me a look that said: “Boy Link, you’re stupid.”

“Those, those… danged democrats!”  Wilbur cried as Mrs. Turnblad clenched her eyes shut.  “If it weren’t for those deranged Kennedy’s, we wouldn’t have been in that whole entire mess!  If Nixon had won, we would be living peacefully, and we wouldn’t have had that scare that lasted almost two blasted weeks!”

As Mr. Turnblad continued to complain about those deranged Democrats, I looked over at Tracy, who put her lips against my ear and whispered: “Never talk to daddy about politics.  He’s very narrow minded and outspoken.”

All I did was nod, and waited for our food to come, and for Mr. Turnblad to stop complaining.

Wilbur finally calmed down only moments before our food came, and I was very relieved, to tell you the truth.  I gave Tracy her cheeseburger, and then I too my own, and I watched Mr. Turnblad give Edna, who’s eyes were still shut and fingers pressed against her temples, her sandwich and then take his spaghetti.

As our waiter left, Edna said softly.  “Wilbur you gave me a migraine,” She said weakly as she opened her eyes.  “Well, I think it’s a migraine, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a migraine before.”

“Just drink some of your ice tea, hon,” Wilbur said calmly.  “Just be calm and your headache will go away.”

I took a bite of my cheeseburger, making sure I shoved as much in my mouth as I could, so I would not dare say anything stupid.  As I swallowed half of the delicious beef, cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, and bun, Mr. Turnblad looked at me, before asking:

“Do you plan to have pre-marital sexual intercourse with my daughter?”

I choked, and looked over at Tracy, who seemed to be holding her breath.  When I finally calmed down, I looked at Mr. Turnblad and said honestly:
“No, I do not have to plan pre-marital sex with Tracy,”  I tried not to be nervous as I replied to Wilbur.  

“What if you do have sex before you get married, and my Tracy here gets pregnant?”  He asked.  Oh boy, I knew at this point that this was going to be a very long conversation.

“Then I would take care of Tracy and the baby,”  I said slowly.  “But you do not have to worried about Tracy having children until we get married, and I don’t know about her, but I think we should wait a little bit after our high school graduation to get married.”  My eyes flashed over to Tracy, who was looking at me, smiling.

“Do you want kids, Link?”  He asked.

“In the future I do, yes.”  I replied.

“How many kids?”  He asked before taking a large forkful of pasta in his mouth.

“Um, well,”  I said.  “I do not know if my opinion will change in the future, but I always saw myself having two or three kids.”

I said this because I knew that this was the amount of kids that Tracy wanted, and honestly, two or three kids sounded nice.

In the future, that is.

“That’s a good number,” Wilbur said as he swallowed his mouthful of food.

The rest of the lunch was very peaceful and, honestly, I enjoyed myself a lot.  The beginning might’ve been strange, but as we started talking to one another more, it was much better.

Edna and Wilbur walked inside of their house before Tracy and I did, probably to give us some time alone before I went home.  “I’m really glad you came,” Tracy smiled as she hugged me.  Boy, did she smell good.  “I’m sorry that ma and daddy made it so … odd.”

“No, it’s fine.  I had a great time with your parents.  I’m glad they came, actually.”  I smiled as she hugged me tighter.

“I’m glad you had a great time,” She smiled.  “Bye, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”  I said as she kissed me.

And that was worth five absurd lunches with her parents.